


Illogical

by Jade_Dragoness



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Humor, Kink Meme, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-25
Updated: 2009-07-25
Packaged: 2017-10-27 14:10:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/296691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jade_Dragoness/pseuds/Jade_Dragoness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the prompt: Spock's never had a blow job (they are illogical, of course), and Kirk makes it his duty to change this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illogical

Jim stared at Spock. He was frozen in place with a chess piece in his hand hovering just above the board.

“What did you just say?” he asked, dazed.

Spock raised an eyebrow at him. “Perhaps you should consider having Dr. McCoy examine your ears for auditory damage.”

“My ears are fine, I just can‘t believe you just said what I think you said,” said Jim, finally setting down his pawn. “How in the hell can you think that blowjobs are illogical?”

“By an objective analysis. They serve no purpose,” said Spock, calmly.

Jim made a high noise of disbelief. “No purpose! It feels good.”

“Only to the one receiving the oral stimulation,” said Spock, staring down at the board. “Therefore engaging in such a sexual act is illogical.”

Jim blinked at him. “Did Uhura tell you that?”

Spock stiffed in his chair. “That relationship I have with the lieutenant is none of your concern.”

“Alright, alright,” said Jim, raising his hands. “Don‘t bite my head off.”

Spock relaxed before admitting, “I do not have an personal experience to add to the data of my analysis.”

Jim nearly fell out of his chair that time.

“And you don‘t want one?” Jim asked, his blue eyes wide again.

“No,” said Spock, he then moved his bishop. “Check and mate.”

“Fuck!” Jim swore.  
*-*-*-*

Jim tracked down Uhura down in the Communications/Linguistics Department.

“Lieutenant Uhura, can I talk to you for a moment?” he asked, looking with interest at the other stations where various other communications officers were working.

“Sure, Captain,” said Uhura. “I‘ve got a moment.”

She led him to the office that she worked from, whenever she wasn’t pulling shifts on the bridge.

Jim sat on the chair, and barely waited for her to sit down in front of her desk before he asked, “why haven‘t you ever given Spock a blowjob?”

Uhura froze and then glared. Icily, she said, “I don‘t see how that‘s any of your business.”

Jim threw his hands up in frustration. “I‘m not being a perv, here.”

“That‘s not how I see it,” said Uhura, her voice still cold. Anger flickered in her dark eyes.

Jim gave her an exasperated look. “Look, it‘s just something he said last night. That he thinks they‘re illogical. Then he said he‘d never had one before. I‘m just trying to tell you that you should give him one. No male, of any humanoid species - even Vulcans - should go around thinking that.”

Uhura rolled her eyes. “This is why you wanted to talk to me?”

“Come on! It‘s important,” protested Jim.

“Yeah, only a man would think that,” said Uhura, then she sighed. “First thing you should know, I‘ve offered and he turned me down. And secondly -”

“You should try harder!” said Jim, interrupting her.

Uhura glared again. “Secondly, Spock and I have been just friends for about a couple of months now. Which _still_ isn‘t any of your business.”

“What?!” yelped Jim. “Wait. How did I not know that? Aw, damn it. Are you sure you can‘t-”

“No,” said Uhura flatly as she stood up. “Now, _Captain_ , unless you have something that is much more important - to the ship - to discuss, then I‘m heading back to running my department.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” said Jim, distracted by his thoughts.

 _Double damn. There goes my best bet to convince Spock that blowjobs weren’t at all illogical._

“Now, who do I know on the ship that had the best cock-sucking skills that I can also talk into doing Spock?” he mumbled, to himself. “Other than me?”

He abruptly sat up as he was a hit with an idea.

An idea that had luscious green curves, copper hair, and the sort of Engineering skills that gave Scotty a run for his money.  
*-*-*-*

“But Gaila, you‘re my only hope!” said Jim, as he trailed after Gaila as she messed around with something mechanical in Engineering.

“Sorry Captain, as much as I‘d love a shot at all the repressed Vulcan heat. That would be breaking my promise,” she said as she bent over a console, wiggling her rear-end to get into better position.

Jim admired the shapely curves and behind him an engineer dropped a huge wrench on his foot.

“What promise?” Jim asked, distracted by the high riding skirt and the swearing behind him.

Women in Engineering usually chose to wear the pants version of the uniform since they ended up having to contort themselves into various positions just to get at damaged circuitry or other mechanical problems.

Gaila, not only wore the skirt uniform, she’d also hitched it up higher and cut a low-cleavage into the top.

Engineering had the best morale in the entire ship. It also had the most accidents.

Gaila popped up straight again, tossing Jim a grin. “I promised, Uhura that I‘d never try to seduce any man she was interested in.”

Jim stared at her and not just because her curves of her breasts were beautifully visible. “But they‘re broken up now. Doesn‘t the promise end?”

Gaila pursed her mouth in a cute little moue. “Nope. We never agreed on that part. Only that I would never seduce anyone she was interested in, even if her interest has changed it was still there, so the promise still applies.”

Jim slumped.

“Aw, Captain, cheer up, I‘m sure you‘ll come up with a solution to your little Vulcan problem,” said Gaila, with a saucy wink. “And if not, I‘m always here to cheer you up!”  
*-*-*-*

Frustrated, Jim tried to think of any other female before he decided that limiting his thinking in such a way was rather old-fashioned of him.

Though, he probably should have rethought his idea of asking Bones to help.

“Not only, no! But HELL NO! Not even if I had a phaser set on kill aimed at me!” shouted McCoy. “Now, get the hell out of my sickbay!”

“But Bones, hear me out,” protested Jim, as he backed away from him.

McCoy just wielded the hypospray in a more threatening manner. “I swear, Jim. I‘ll stick you with this. And it‘ll make your reaction to the mud-flea vaccine look like a hiccough.”

Jim backpedaled faster, and ducked as McCoy jabbed the hypo at the direction of his neck. He then turned, and ran as fast as he could out of the medical bay not stopping until he reached a turbolift.

“A simple no would have been just fine, Bones,” Jim muttered, as he leaned against the wall of the lift, trying to get his racing heart to calm down. Bones was scary when he was in that sort of mood. “I guess, I‘m just have to do this myself.”

Jim straightened up, and set his shoulders back.

“A captain‘s got to do, what a captain‘s got to do.”

He had a Vulcan blowjob virgin to find.  
*-*-*-*

Jim found Spock on the bridge.

“Spock, can I talk to you in the conference room?” asked Jim.

Spock raised an eyebrow at him. “Certainly, Captain. Mr. Sulu, you have the conn.”

“Aye, sir,” said Sulu.

“What is the nature of this discussion that you could not ask me while the bridge?” asked Spock, as the stepped into the turbolift.

“Aw, hell, let me just-” Jim cut himself off, but pushing a button to get the turbolift to stop and then promptly pressed himself against Spock.

Spock inhaled sharply but Jim didn’t give him a chance to protest and kissed him. Spock tried to take a step back, but the lifts were too small so he just ran into a wall.

Jim plastered himself even closer, lifting his hands to hold Spock’s head in place. Spock didn’t push him away. Spock had more than enough strength in him toss him away with one arm. But he didn’t.

Which was the same as encouragement in Jim’s book.

He licked at the tight seal of Spock’s lips urging him to open his mouth. Slowly, very slowly, Spock parted his lips. Jim kissed him harder until his own need for air had him pulling back.

Spock watched him pant. His eyes were riveted to Jim‘s mouth. Jim caught the direction of his gaze and grinned.

Though, Spock’s face was cool and stoic as always there was an emerging fire in his dark eyes.

“Okay, I know you said that blowjobs are illogical, but I‘m going to change your mind,” breathed Jim, licking his lips in anticipation.

Spock furrowed his brow. “That is the reason why you have chosen to kiss me? That is not necessary, captain,” he said stiffly. He finally tried to make a move escape but Jim just put his hands up to his chest to hold him in place.

“Jim,” instead Jim, “I just kissed you. You‘ve got to call me, Jim.”

Spock just raised an eyebrow, and said, “That is not a human social protocol I have ever encountered before.” Then he shook his head. “No matter, it is irrelevant. Please, allow me to exit the turbolift.”

Jim dropped to his knees. “Fine, keep calling me captain. It‘s still hot. And no, by the way.”

Spock stiffened even further and lifted his hands towards Jim, as if he intended to push him away but he didn’t dare to touch him. “Captain, you should not-”

“I want to,” said Jim, looking up at Spock and going for the opening of his uniform pants. “You said that only the recipient enjoys this, which is why it‘s illogical. I‘m just gonna prove you wrong.”

“I have not asked you to perform oral sexual stimulation upon myself,” protested Spock.

“I know you haven’t. I’m doing it anyway,” said Jim. “Now, if you really want me to stop, you‘ll have to say so.”

Spock gently dropped his hands to the top of Jim’s head. Delicately tracing the curve of Jim’s eyebrows which was answer enough for Jim.

“The turbolift may not be the most advantageous location for this activity,” said Spock, as Jim mouthed him through the cloth of his underwear. “Another crewmember may require its use.”

Under his lips, Jim could feel him getting harder.

“I guess, I‘ll just have to be fast,” muttered Jim, his voice muffled.

“I still do not see the logic of your actions,” said Spock, his voice strained as Jim pulled down his pants.

“Logic? Who said that logic was involved?” asked Jim, pulling back enough to give Spock an arch look. “You‘re hot and I want to show you that blowjobs are really, really good. Now, stop asking me questions. My mouth isn‘t exactly going to be free to respond.”

Then he promptly licked Spock’s hard length, from leaking crown to balls and back up. He lingered to taste the beading pre-come, intrigued by the taste. He’d never gone down on a Vulcan before.

 _This is going to be new for the both of us,_ Jim thought, in realization.

The soft choked sound that Spock made at that move made Jim grow hard in his pants. And when he swallowed Spock, taking him deep in his throat, Spock actually yelled and arched. Spock’s hand tightened in his hair.

Jim grinned around the length and set a rapid pace, sucking, licking and bobbing his head.  
*-*-*-*

Jim would considered a personal triumph when later, after they’d gotten off the turbolift and actually made it to the conference room, Spock offered to reciprocate.

After all, it would only be logical.

End


End file.
